Carlos Xuma's Dating Tips for Guys

Follow my daily activities at Twitter:

http://www.twitter.com/carlosxuma

Hey… I just got a note from my good friend Joe Matthews, and it seems he's releasing a bunch of free videos, as well as holding a teleseminar on how looks don't matter when it comes to attracting women.

Here's the call info he sent me…

Date: Thursday 8/21/08, 5:00 pm Pacific, 7:00 pm Central, 8:00 pm Eastern

You can get the free videos here…

I've got an interesting post here for you. It's a "Web TV" show created by my good friend Jerusha.

Jerusha says: "Guys so far think it's funny, interesting, they get the inside track on the opposite sex- the episodes have women of all different colors & sizes - just like in the real world…"

CLICK HERE to learn more about the last single girl….

Well, the release of my new Approach Women 2 program has just been phenomenal, and I want to thank you guys that jumped on board right away.

I'm just picking up some of the pieces right now, since it took so much time to give it a proper launch. (In case you wonder why I've been out of touch…)

Also, please note that I'm starting to post podcasts once again (you can find me on iTunes under "Carlos Xuma…")

And just as a gift for you bloggers that are out there wondering what went on during that call I did the other day - the teleseminar for Approach Women 2: RAD - well, I've got what you want.

Here's the link to go listen to the audio in its entirety:

Approach Women 2 Teleseminar - How to Meet Women Anytime - No Fear, No rejection…

Hey, I've been reading a lot of the mail you guys are sending in,
and the great questions you've got about Real Alpha Daygame.

But I also want to take this opportunity to point a couple of
things out to the guys that might have a little trouble with this
concept of "Daygame."

What really IS "Daygame?"

Very simply it's meeting women anywhere.

ANYWHERE.

Let me try that again:

A-N-Y-W-H-E-R-E!

You see, bars and clubs seem to be all that guys think of when they
think about meeting women. But there is a wide and undiscovered
country out there where we are able to meet women:

- in the park
- at a friend's party
- at a business event
- at the gym
- in a coffee shop
- at a cocktail party
- at a library or bookstore…

Literally there is an infinite number of places out there to meet
women that we're not using right now.

It's not just about walking up and talking to women cold on the
street.

You see, I've talked to a lot of guys who have very strong beliefs
about meeting women in everyday places. They seem to be scared to
death of it because the woman will be guarded… cautious…

After all, you're a stranger!

Guys, you don't have to have anyone "approve" of where you meet a
woman.

You don't need to meet a woman in certain designated areas.
Regardless of what we think women MIGHT be thinking about it.

And one of the biggest mistakes is trying to think FOR a woman.
When you try and get into her head, you'll probably get it wrong.

Whenever I meet couples, I ask them how they met. The woman
tends to romanticize the first meeting, but the guy always tells
the facts.

Most of them met at a store, or in a gym, or in places where the
guy simply sucked it up and did the unthinkable…

He approached her!

In fact, I did a certain hidden camera video just a couple weeks
ago. I met a woman in the Apple Store and we had a GREAT
conversation and connection.

Last night, after 2 weeks, SHE CALLED ME.

I haven't initiated any contact since then, but she called me up
and left a 2 minute message.

How cool is THAT?

And, honestly, it wasn't a very spectacular approach. I just
started talking with her for no reason. We were standing at
the computers just checking out the MacBooks.

She was a stranger.

Now she's a possibility for me. One that I would never have had if
I had let the thought: "She doesn't know me - she's going to be
scared of me" get into my head.

Repeat after me:
ALL limitations are self-imposed!

Stay tuned…

I've got more great stuff coming up…

Go check out the videos on the blog here:
http://www.realdaygame.com/approach2blog/

Your Day-walker friend,

Carlos Xuma

Hey, I've got a cool audio for you that other guys won't be able to hear until this coming week…

It's an interview I did with Lance Mason on the subject of approaching during the day…
This is from my radio show, so you'll have to put up with high production values.

And when you're done listening, go check out my new Approach Program as soon as you can.

This is the approach program that was 3 years in the making.

Read more….
Approach Women 2 Real Alpha Daygame

Hey Carlos,

Thanks for your great emails and content.

I'd like to ask a question.

A woman friend of mine who is married, was telling me that when women offer to pay their share for something, they are actually testing men to see how cheap we are.

Now, I don't think in such a twisted manner, but what is the alpha way to respond to this kind of test?

cheers

Eddie
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CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:

Well, Eddie, your friend is partly right, and partly wrong, as you figured out.

SOME women do this to see if the guy is cheap, but that's not entirely accurate. Not every woman is so coldly calculating.

The reality is this:

It's a dance.

When the check comes, women have a lot of mixed feelings about how to handle it.

Does she just assume you're going to pay for it?

Or would that be rude?

If she's really going to test you to see how "cheap" you are, she'd be one of those women we probably want to watch very closely. She could have that bitter edge of a woman that just wants to test and poke and prod men because she isn't emotionally capable of just going with the flow.

(Rigidity and structured behavior is often a sign of some underlying problems. I should know - I was like this for YEARS.)

What she's doing is being polite, and she'll put the offer out there so you don't think she's a gold-digging bitch.

(I've had quite a few of those over the years. Some women feel entitled to be bought meals, and entitlement gets you a kick in the ass out the door of my life.)

She probably does expect on some level that you pay, but not in a demanding and heartless way. It's simply a man's job to demonstrate that can take care of her. Even if she's the president of a bank, she'll want to feel this kind of safety in a man's presence.

Now everyone wants to know how an Alpha Man would handle this, right?

Well, the best way I've found to handle this situation is really pretty simple.

When the check comes, I let it sit there for a few minutes to see how SHE handles it. I believe that for all the judging, testing, and analyzing a woman does of me, this is one small moment where I can sit back and see what SHE is made of.

I want to give her the opportunity to offer. If she doesn't offer, I'll make a note of it (but not dismiss her).

Then - whether she does or she doesn't offer - I just say: "Here, I'll get this one. You can chip in on the next one, right?"

And I watch her reaction. If it's excitement and happiness that I'm making a slight reference to the possibility of getting together in the future, I know where I stand.

Any other reaction is cause to pause.

By the way, if the woman insists on paying a share, that's a very clear message. It's saying, "I don't want to feel obligated to you," and you should consider this a sign.
Remember that a first "date" is mostly an exploration. A fact-finding mission to learn as much as you can so you can make a decision about her. A chance to see if the other person has what it takes to be a part of your world.

I have HIGH standards on who gets to share in my reality and fun.

If you have the same criteria, you'll find that your love life will improve in quality 1000%.

A woman is an interpreting machine, observing your actions, reactions, and making passive decisions about who you are and whether or not she wants you.

You should be doing the same for yourself.

I'm not endorsing selfishness. I'm promoting an educated and self-preserving attitude toward your dating life.

And that, my Alpha Brothers, is ALWAYS smart.

- Carlos Xuma
http://www.realdaygame.com

Here's another snippet from the great information marketer Dan Kennedy.

This is yet another point he brings up that is completely applicable to dating and attracting women.

Read on…
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Most people are green with envy over my control of my time, access to me, the way I work.

To me, it’s funny how people look at somebody this way, with envy. If you see somebody living as you’d like to live or operating a business you’d love to be in or with the financial success you’d like to have, you first have to exercise a little bit of caution about ‘greener pastures foolishness’ – but then, you should be focused on identifying how they do what they do, so you can do it too. I’ve rarely seen anybody doing anything I’d like to do and judged it impossible for me to do.

I don’t fully understand why people disqualify themselves.
_______________________
CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:

I don't understand it either, Dan.

Envy seems to be a way for people to justify anger and resentment against other people, while completely counting themselves out of the race. It's like they're saying, "I don't have what it takes. And I'm mad that other people do."

Don't be the guy who's envying others. Take delight in other people's success, because their success means that YOU can do it, too.

Hey, get yourself over to the Real Alpha Daygame Blog as soon as you can. I'm about to release a special report today about the survey I conducted a few days ago.

You can go see the new blog HERE: Real Alpha Daygame - How to approach women anywhere/anytime - no fear and no rejection.

Dan Kennedy is a world class business strategist, but what I love is when he talks about salesmanship, because he's also talking about how guys are "selling" their biggest product (themselves) to women.

Read this article and see if you can see the parallel.

By the way, I think that his figure of 85% of businesses failing also parallels 85% of men failing to get the woman they REALLY want.

Read on…

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Why 85 Percent of Businesses Fail

In your previous Success Marketing Strategies we've been discussing some specific ideas or processes that you can use to promote, to market yourself, your products, your services, your business, whatever it is that you are involved with.

The next key concept is an 'organized presentation.' There are some problems that we have to deal with today in communicating with people.

First is a thing called the attention span. There is NONE. It's very important for you to know that. Many years ago during a Super Bowl there was a big event that happened in television for those of us in marketing. It was the 15-second commercial instead of the 30-second commercial.

There are several reasons why this was done.

1. They could get more commercials in per hour than they could obviously before.

2. Although the 15-second spot will cost more per second than the 30-second spot does, the 15-second spot in dollars cost less than the 30-second spot so some advertisers who could not before afford television advertising now can afford television advertising, which makes the pool of perspective advertisers bigger.

3. This is really an interesting reason why it was done. It was because of the declining attention span of the American public.

Think about it. How many TV watchers have a remote control for their TV? Everybody… right! Okay. How often do you click onto another channel when a commercial comes on? If you drive through a neighborhood at night now very quietly with your windows down you can hear click, click, click, click, click. Those aren't crickets folks; those are people clicking from channel to channel to channel trying to find a car crash.

The next key concept is a lost art which is salesmanship. Even sales people today don't really sell. The great masters of salesmanship generally tend to be older individuals not younger individuals. Every once in a while you'll run across one.

Unfortunately, most sales people today are order takers and you won't excel as an order taker. Great salesmanship is what Paul Parker called it in his book, which you can't find in the bookstores but you can find in the libraries, Tact and Skill in Handling People.

Contrary today, we try and get things done by brute force, partially because we're in such a hurry. We're so rushed and you practice salesmanship, the way you get great at salesmanship is you practice it all the time. You don't just do it in the narrow parameter of selling an item to someone. You do it in every relationship, you do it in every conversation, and you do it in every encounter with people.

Now Napoleon Hill made a recording many years ago called, "Sell Your Way Through Life." And he said that's the only way you will get through life and get what you want is if you sell your way through life.

You know that the failure rate in small business in this country is very high. At least 85% and maybe as high as 98% of new small businesses fail before they hit the five year mark and the statisticians and the accountants will tell you that they believe that the reason for that failure is under capitalization and poor fiscal management.

I can point you to businesses that have failed with enough money to do everything they needed to do ten times over. And some management consultant will tell you its poor management ability. I suggest to you what it is in most cases is that the business owner decided that once he or she was in business they didn't have to sell.

Many people in many types of businesses believe they don't have to sell. For example, Doctors believe that they don't have to sell. There are a lot of restaurant owners who believe that. There's a lot of retail store owners who believe that we open the doors and the customers come to us and we don't have to sell anyone. That's why we got business.

You obviously have some method you use to promote what it is that you do or you wouldn't even be in existence. But you probably only have one method or two methods or three methods that you use. The more methods the more business. Diversity is the creative opposite of laziness.

So you need to think how can I use more methods to attract people to do business with me than any other competitor will use? The more methods the more business. Hopefully that thinking process has begun to take place for you today.
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Hopefully you see how this can apply to you.

Women have lower attention spans, but they are also in need of a man who is a "salesman" for himself.

Not just a guy hoping to skate by with little or no effort.

That man is an Alpha Man.

That man is YOU.

- Carlos