If we must do our best to show women that we can provide and protect them as the alpha males, it seems like all the actions and initiatives that you ask us to take are very dominating. Almost like the woman is turned into a “push over”, like they shouldn’t have a say in relationship matters.
I know it sounds pretty harsh, but is this what ur ultimately getting at?
cheers,
Lance
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CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:
My buddy Lance hits on a good question. You might think with all the whooping and howling I do about the Alpha Male masculinity that I teach that you could go overboard on this stuff, and you could.
But I do encourage balance.
The woman should not be turned into some kind of obedient and supplicating follower.
You need to show balance.
The man takes the lead most of the time. As long as the woman knows she can rely on him, she’ll feel safe, and better able to play her feminine role.
But each person should be contributing and moving things forward.
Some of the things I ask you to consider may seem dominating, only because most of us were brought up to be wusses.
Sounds pretty harsh, but it’s true.
And what we might consider “dominating” is really just “assertive” and not what television taught us to do.
Every behavior exists on a continuum, and unfortunately the way men really need to be is a pretty far swing from where we are now.
But we’re getting there!
Stay Alpha!
- Carlos Xuma
I hate getting bad advice.
Don’t you?
It sucks, because you waste time taking that bad advice, using it,
and not getting any better. And then you need to RE-learn the GOOD
advice that will get you what you want.
It’s really frustrating. You even start to ignore people’s advice
after a while because you don’t know who to trust after that.
One bit of advice I always heard from my first guitar teacher (and
my first martial arts teacher, and really every teacher I ever met)
was this:
“It takes a lot of practice to get good at something, and you have
to study for hours and hours to get good enough to DO something.”
After all, “practice makes perfect.”
But I’m here to tell you that’s not true at all.
I’ve only had one guitar teacher in my life, and he had me
practicing scales and theory for weeks. I got rid of him and taught
myself over a couple years and got better than any of my friends
who were taking “lessons.”
Now, these teachers mean well, but they are actually making it
harder for people to learn because they expect all this massive
self-discipline up front for almost no payback in the early stages.
Practice does NOT make perfect.
If it was up to my first teachers, I would have spent a couple
years PRACTICING before I ever got out there and started DOING.
And this is the WORST way to learn.
In fact, if you spend too much time “practicing” and trying to get
ready to do it, you actually create a lot of fear and anxiety, and
you usually get frustrated and quit.
*** BIG REVELATION ***
Here’s the big secret to success that most people will never tell
you. It’s so important that I want you to write it down somewhere
and put it on your bathroom mirror so you can read it every day.
It applies to anything you want to learn, but especially with
dating and women.
I’m very VERY serious about this.
The most important step to getting good with women is FAST SUCCESS.
Because FAST SUCCESS is LASTING success.
When I taught kids guitar, the first thing I made sure someone
could do was play a simple SONG as soon as possible. (Usually with
power chords, because they’re easy to do.)
And I saw them smile as they learned “Smoke on the Water” or “Iron
Man” in just a few minutes.
That hit of success juice is what keeps you in the game so you
learn more. Your brain thinks “Hey, this ain’t so hard…” and you
keep trying. All because you laid the best foundation: An
experience of FAST SUCCESS that programmed your brain to have fun.
And keep coming back for more.
You MUST get a quick hit of success with women early in learning
dating and attraction skills, or you run the risk of quitting too
soon, or creating performance (AKA “Approach”) anxiety.
And yet there are still “gurus” out there that want you to learn
every possible line, opener, story, routine, and close before you
ever go out in the field and start USING this stuff.
(These people are sometimes called “keyboard jockeys” because they
know their stuff, but they never actually go out and talk to women
to use it.)
I want to save you from that, as well as give you the right
foundation you need to improve your skills as far as you want to go.
And not get stuck in fear or anxiety of your own ability.
I sat down and went through all my notes over the last 8-10 years
of working on my own game, and I pulled out the QUICK success gems.
These are the tips and techniques that will get you FAST success
with women.
And I put it into a framework that any guy can learn in just a few
hours.
Now, this isn’t a magic pill, but it’s as close to one as you’ll
ever get when you want to learn how to at-tract women. You can
literally learn this stuff in an afternoon and then go out that
night to use it and get success quickly.
It’s my entry level program, and I call it my “Get a Girlfriend -
FAST” program.
You’ll learn stuff like:
- My #1 Attraction-Starting Tip - If you do this ONE thing with
women, you’ll drive up attraction with EVERY woman you meet, and
yet it’s the one thing that most guys NEVER do… with examples
that I use…
- My #1 Attraction-Killing Trap - If you avoid this one behavior,
you’ll be able to increase your dating success massively - and with
almost no effort…
- My top 8 Mistakes men make with women - and how to avoid them…
- What it is that creates nervousness and anxiety when you meet
women, and how to push it out of your head…
- Understanding Shame - the limiting factor of every man’s life…
and how to get past this limiting obstacle once and for all…
- 3 steps to create self-confidence through action in your life -
and the missing element of self-confidence that you won’t learn
from your therapist - or anyone else…
And this is just the first 20 minutes of the program.
In the rest of the program, I’ll teach you my complete blueprint
for handling women - from first meeting, to first phone call, to
the first date, to the first time you get intimate with her…
And for you guys that want a steady girlfriend, I’ll teach you my
basics of making a (shhhh) relationship work.
Oh, and I’m even including my secrets of turning a friend into a
girlfriend, and how to win back the woman you lost.
If you’re serious about turning your dating life up to its full
potential, and probably tripling or quadrupling the number of women
you have in your life right now, then you owe it to yourself to
grab this program.
Go see the program by clicking here right now
To your success…
Carlos Xuma
PS: During my introductory offer, you can even get my “social
circle” skills program and my top Alpha Dating Tips for guys at an
unbelievable discount. They’re included with this program at NO
extra charge.
Go take a look at the Get a Girlfriend program here…
“… the Get a Girlfriend Fast program caught my eye as I’ve just
ended an LTR. The program is a great, quick-start,
get-your-ass-into-gear listen from start to finish. This is a great
way to get motivated and will leaving you wanting to get out there
and mixing with hot women fast! Great content…”
- Steve P.
PICK UP LINES: Do Pickup Lines Really Work?
I’m sure you’ve heard some pretty funny pickup lines out there.
Here are just a few of the pick up lines I’ve heard in my time:
- “If you were a new sandwich at Mcdonalds, you’de be called the McGorgeous.”
- “If you were a booger I’d pick you first.”
Read my latest article on Best Pick Up Lines - Bad, Cheesy, Funny Pickup Lines - How to Make Them Work, and learn why MOST pickup lines DON’T WORK.
Read it here:
Best Pick Up Lines - Bad, Cheesy, Funny Pickup Lines - How to Make Them Work
Technorati Tags: pick up lines, pickup lines
My good buddy FJ Shark surprised me this morning with some good posts for you guys that I’ll put up over the next few days….
______________________
“Test Your Wingman Before You Fly With Him”
Regarding the comment I received about…
“I asked the waitress who her Orthodontist was. My friend was all over me about how lame that was.”
This brings up a good point.
He might not have liked ANY opener you used…
Remember, not all wingmen are created equal.
Just because you are with one of your buddies, doesn’t mean he’s a wingman who has your best interest in mind.
I’ve had friends I’m sitting with even start arguments with me purposely so they can look cool in front of the waitress or women at another table.
Some guys just act completely different and freak out when they are around women.
Out of a survival mode, they try and verbally “kill you” so they can have the woman for themselves.
Some guys are not team players, and when you think they are there to help you,
…they are just waiting for their opportunity to throw you under the bus and go after the woman themselves.
So know they act around women BEFORE you trust them with helping you by being a wingman who’s a “team player”.
-F.J. Shark
Author: “How to be the Jerk Women Love”
______________________
CARLOS COMMENTS:
This is an excellent point. So many guys assume (wrongly) that your wingman is going to be an unbiased and level-minded helper.
Sometimes they’re just jealous fools. Sometimes they’re just learning the game like you, and don’t really know what to do.
Remember, there is no force of denial greater than a mans ego.
Choose your wingmen well!
Thanks to -F.J. Shark
Author: “How to be the Jerk Women Love”
My good friend Nathan just wrote up this exclusive article for you guys… He’s also giving away some free fitness videos on his site, and I’m going to give you that link, too. He’s got some great exercises for abs that I’ve been using lately, and you need to see these…
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“Do You Shape Up For Sex?”
I think most guys at one time or another have wondered why women or that specific woman may not be attracted to them. At first glance it looks like all the right pieces are there but things just don’t quite materialize as we think they should. Many times this is when you start to wonder is there something outside of your control; is there something missing.
There are different camps out there when it comes to what really attracts women.
Some say it really is all personality and that, if you learn the attraction techniques and mindset you will be able to attract gorgeous women in your sleep.
While I do believe it’s very important to learn these skills, I think some focus too much on it and rationalize to themselves it’s all they need. If they can memorize every line, be prepared for any scenario they are in a sense bullet-proof and ready for success.
Then there’s the group that thinks all you need is big shoulders, big chest and a six pack and you will have women dragging you home to have their way with you.
I don’t agree with this either because I don’t care how built you are, that will only last so long if you can only muster shallow, personality lacking conversation.
Again, there is value in taking care of your body not only for physical appearance, but also how it affects confidence and mindset. As a man you want to become the ultimate package and to do that one must look at the whole picture.
There is a place in the middle; the truth very rarely resides in the extremes so that’s what we’re going to talk about today. The biological factors that come into play that most men are not aware of.
Research has actually been done to look deeper into why some women are attracted to certain guys and why some are not.
For example, Polish scientists discovered that when it comes to choosing a man, the more sexy and curvaceous a woman is the more importance she places on a man’s looks.
Curvier women tend to have more estrogen and a greater maternal urge to find a partner who looks like he will produce strong babies, provide for and protect a family.
Women are wired to be attracted to certain physical traits just as they are to behavior, confidence and success. Without trying to sound barbaric you see this in nature over and over again. When it comes to mating, whether you’re talking about lions or even chimpanzees, the more powerful dominant males have more success.
The weak and more submissive males are beaten up, last to eat and many times they are almost forced to go out on their own or die. We’re not talking about animals; however, the similarities in sexual behavior are undeniable.
According to David Frederick and his team of researchers at UCLA, muscular men are likely to have more sex partners than their less-physically impressive competition. They also found that muscular men are twice as likely to have had more than three sex partners as less muscular men.
Their research suggests men with muscles are comparable to elaborate tail feathers in male peacocks: They attract females looking for a masculine mate. “Women are predisposed to prefer muscularity in men,” said study author David Frederick of UCLA.
Interestingly enough there are some studies out there that say women are more concerned with how much money men make and their level of commitment. Fredrick of UCLA found that muscularity and physical characteristics actually mattered more.
In the study 141 women were asked to look at six standardized silhouettes of men ranging from more muscular to slender. “Most preferred a toned man who was more likely to commit over a muscle-bound man they perceived as more volatile, aggressive and dominant.”
So here’s the deal, women are not looking for some muscle bound maniac but rather a guy who’s in shape enough that it’s noticeable and also displays behavior consistent with commitment.
Here we are again back somewhere between the extremes. As I said before, most times we find the truth somewhere in the middle; life is about balance and it’s a man’s job to find it. He that can accomplish this will live a life to be envied and enjoyed.
So at the end of the day it’s important for us as men to learn the laws of attractiveness and the behaviors that are consistent with those laws. It’s equally important to understand certain biological factors are at play that just can’t be avoided. Women are wired to be attracted to the physical as much as the behavior and confidence you project. Take care of the mind and take care of the body.
Think about this, you may be funny, have that attractive magnetic personality but if the guy who is muscular and physically in balance does too who do you think is going to be leaving with her at the end of the night.
______________________
CARLOS XUMA COMMENTS:
What do you think about this article? Make sure to post your comments…
By the way, Nathan Hopkins is a men’s fitness and weight loss expert. His primary focus is not only to help men feel more powerful but to look the part as well. Through his 3X Method he helps guys find the physique that women biologically cannot help but be attracted to.
Learn more about the 3X Method by clicking HERE…
Good news… the Apple Store just released my iPhone application today!
Woo-hooo!
You can now enjoy my updated daily dating tips for guys on your iPhone.
I don’t know about you, but I love my iPhone and do a lot of work on it. I don’t want to sound like just another one of those Apple zealots out there, but it really is a brilliant piece of technology.
When I go to the store and I see a new movie on Blu-Ray, I can just pull up a quick search to see the reviews of it before I buy it. The same for games, too. (Get the IGN reviews application, while you’re at it…)
To get my new dating tips app, just pull up iTunes, go to the iStore, and search on Carlos Xuma. You’ll see my apps and the Podcast.
Windows users can get it, too..
- CX
HOW TO GET A GIRL TO LIKE YOU…
Learn the 3 Laws of Attraction…
There are only a few essentials you have to learn when you start learning dating strategy. One of them is that you simply have to understand that to get a girl to like you, you must start ATTRACTION for you.
There are 3 simple laws to this that are based in psychology. These laws don’t change just because we think we’re “rational.” They always work.
Read my latest article on How to Get a Girl to Like You, and learn the Critical 3 Laws of Attraction with women.
Read it here:
HOW TO GET A GIRL TO LIKE YOU…
Love your program Carlos, and I have also noticed a better difference in my interaction with women already! My question is: There is this goth/industrial dance club in downtown Austin were I was hanging out with a buddy of mine one night.
After talking for a while he went to go dance and I was left alone at my table. I didn’t want to look like some loner wierdo so I decided to do what I’m not very good at….dancing. I didn’t want to seem insecure by doing some nervous looking half-ass “bob my head & snap my fingers” routine, so I just let it out as uninhibited as I could without running into anyone.
I think I might have made a fool of myself and I felt a very uncomfortable feeling of people staring at me. When I found my friend he was talking to this girl I saw on the dance floor so I went up to them(just to be sociable,no pick-up)and she darted of as fast as she could (if she liked my friend wouldn’t she be more polite with one of his buddies?)
I like this club alot and I get along pretty good with the owner and his staff, even on that night. However I would like the general people to be comfortable with me so my question is this: Is there any way I can repair this social damage and still make friends(not just meet girls) with the regular patrons?
Am I forever branded as “that guy”?
- J
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CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:
It’s funny, but there seems to be a lot of advertising and social awareness that is based around guy’s fears of being “that guy.”
Of course “that guy” is always someone who is unbelievably dorky, or just NOT the cool guy.
Now if by “that guy” you mean the guy who is in his own reality, makes his own fun, and doesn’t give a shit about what other people think, then YES - BE THAT GUY!
Look, the best thing you can do is to not even allow that impression that you’ve created “social damage” to creep into your head.
We always seem to create a horrific scenario when we feel like we’ve made a social mistake, but in fact, the mistake was that you were not OWNING your behavior.
I’ve been a complete asshole, but I owned it, and I didn’t make excuses or even run around looking for forgiveness. I just went on with my life.
The chick that ran off probably is so caught up in appearances and superficial “what will people think of me” childish thinking that she’s not capable of hanging with the fun people. I would have run after her and caught her. Someone like that deserves a little social “awareness.”
No, you’re not forever branded. You just need to set out to establish some social comfort for yourself there by being consistent with yourself, and really pulling people into your reality a bit more.
If you were a punk and complete butt munch, then I say make amends and get over it. Chill and be the cool guy at the club for a few weeks. No one will remember it by the next weekend.
What was the last socially awkward thing you remember happening to someone else? I can’t even remember the last person to do something. We just forget these things.
This is a bit complicated to explain here, but you’ll probably get a lot out of this:
HOW TO BE A CONFIDENT MAN - even if you’re with a bunch of lamers.
It’s where every guy who wants to improve his inner game needs to start.
I hope this helped…
CX
I was getting your news letters and e mails. They were Really Cool with excellent tips. Even my brother was getting your news letters. That made us to buy your book “The Seduction Method” and the “Alpha Rules book“.
Kudos to you and Dean. The Alpha Rules book was really amazing. The insights in that book was mind blowing… the Seduction Method was packed with solid fundamentals. Your Focus on having a strong Inner game was really a commendable job.
Both the brothers have started Applying those principles. Your Topic on “Expanding your comfort zone” and “Alpha socialising”& “Surround yourself with winners” in the Alpha Rules book was really superb. I have started doing things now for which i am feeling uncomfortable. for eg: I was an introvert and not that comfortable meeting new people. i have started forcing myself to go and talk to the people in general. So thats a positive sign for me as of now.
One question i wanted to ask you is that often i have come across the word “Relaxed Confidence” also called as “James Bond confidence”. I really could get about it when i saw a few james bond movies but i am still unable to get the clear picture. I am still unable to find the right source in me when talking to women and people in general.
Allow me to explain it: For eg When it comes to Body Language you suggested that i move slowly, talk slowly, make solid eye contact and dont break it till the other person does it, and every motion i do has to be careful and deliberate. Even i got the point as to why the body language has to be fluid and slow and relaxed.
Now when ever i talk to women or any person for that matter it remains in my head that i have to look continuously in their eyes, i have to move my hands slowly, i have to stand tall not slouch, i have to talk slowly etc. All these things makes me uncomfortable when talking to people and i have to end the conversation very shortly.
The conversation does’nt last long. It becomes so much of a stress to keep all these things in mind and apply it!!!! I hope you are getting my point. I just want your help Brother regarding this. I am still unable to get the bigger picture. Please help me out.
I’ll be grateful to you if you could explain me where am i going wrong, and also some more insights about “Relaxed Confidence”. Do help me in being a true alpha man…..
______________________
CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:
You’re probably still too aware of yourself in the conversation.
You are:
1) thinking in the back of your head that eventually you want this conversation to GET you something, so that taints your ability to just have fun with it.
2) pressuring yourself to perform and get a certain result.
You need to have conversations with women JUST for the fun of it and the joy of making her laugh.
Start there. When you have a problem thinking of what to say, it’s probably because you’re falling back on “memorized” material more than you are staying in-the-moment with the woman you’re talking to.
If she goes quiet, you can always tease her and bust her chops about it.
“You’ve run out of interesting conversation already? Oh, man! I thought women were experts at conversation. What happened? Didn’t you graduate from “chick school?”
Have fun, and when you’re having fun, the conversation will flow…
The point is to simply RELAX.
You’re not relaxing by trying to keep all this stuff in your head. (This is one of the big mistakes PUAs make is to use technique to try to overcome their limitations, and then they create an anxious mind.)
And you can’t FORCE yourself to relax. That’s something that has to happen on its own when you stop getting anxious about the interaction itself.
I always have to chuckle when I see guys on dating and seduction techniques forums say this…
There are no secrets!
You can find everything you need for free online!
And so on…
When it comes to sharing or developing a solid skill and expertise, there will always be those people who believe that every piece of knowledge or discovery is already known by other guys. These are the same people that think that every bit of information can be found easily (and accurately) on the internet. So they don’t believe that they have to invest in coaching, buying a training program, etc.
There are A LOT of extremely valuable techniques and information that isn’t ‘publicly’ known. New discoveries are made everyday.
Anyone that thinks they know it all in ANY area of expertise - especially dating advice and seduction techniques - has their head in their butt.
Everyone needs to continue to strive to learn more about not only dating techniques and skills, but our individual areas of passion and interest.
As far as “secrets” are concerned, this is a different story. The word “secrets” has, and probably always will be, one of the most powerful words in the history of copywriting.
And this is the reason that this word is often used to describe valuable information and is a popular choice to use in book and course titles. i.e. my own program: Secrets of the Alpha Man.
I know plenty of guys out there that have more lines and routines and clever scripts to use than any guru. Some of them are amazing.
Yet these guys aren’t successful with women. Why?
Because they don’t know how all the pieces fit together into the big picture. They struggle all the time. They end up feeling bitter and thinking that the seduction techniques don’t actually work — or at least as well as some guys say they do.
The problem is simple… they know or have all the puzzle pieces, they just don’t know what to do with them.
Even if every piece of knowledge and information was being freely discussed on the Web, from articles to seduction forums to blogs, etc., the information itself is essentially worthless.
That’s right.
WORTHLESS.
When it comes to dating tips for guys and the seduction techniques that get women interested in you, whether it’s a new opinion opener, or a great routine stack, or a new “kiss close…”
The only thing that matters is your STRATEGY.
The way you put all these disparate elements together into one cohesive whole is the most important part of your skills with women.
You see, most guys get addicted to the information itself.
They think, “If I just collect enough routines and lines and openers, I’ll have an answer to every test a woman throws at me! Buwaahahahahahaha!”
If you’ve managed to memorize all the responses for everything a woman throws at you, I want you to email me right away. I will personally call you up and I want to interview you.
I’m serious.
You see, techniques are necessary, but they’re not the goal.
That’s why my programs are not just about the tactics and seduction techniques.
Sure, I’m going to give you fun things to say as examples, but the guys that REALLY get this information and use it in the STRATEGY that I provide will multiply their results by a hundred times.
So remember that information is not power.
In fact, it’s only potential power.
The greatest men of history used STRATEGY to win, not technique.
Read that again. Most guys will miss that.
From George Washington to Ghandi to … anyone.
And that will be your “Secret”, too.
Learn the Seduction Techniques (Strategy) of the Alpha Man
-Carlos
