Jealousy at it's Finest

[gothfreak]

If there's one upcoming problem that I keep having with myself it's Jealousy. All throughout the time I've been dating my girlfriend, I occasionally get Jealous from time to time and it's starting to become sickening. When I calm myself, I begin to realize that I have no real facts that I have on my girl that I should be Jealous about, it's all in my head. Whenever I get Jealous, I don't even go down the road of thinking what the hell my girl/friend were doing, all my thoughts go into why the hell I was even starting to think this way to begin with and it angers me even more when I realize that I start feeling Jealous. I know deep inside that I don't need this girl and getting another would be a snap if this one dropped me (or if I dropped her for that matter), so I've concluded that this is an issue with me and something that would probably come up from girl to girl if I don't fix this now. Whenever I get Jealous, it usually takes me less than 24 hours to get over myself, and I begin to feel like everything's "normal" again. Well, this is a repeating pattern that doesn't happen ALL the time, but it STILL happens, maybe once or twice every other few months, but I want to FIX this now. It's not the thought of what my girl could be doing that sickens me, it's that I'm feeling this way to begin with. I want to get to the root of this problem and the proper way to fix this. From what I've read, Jealous comes from where I start to lower my value because I'm losing something I want? Or scarcity? I think I'm able to genuinely say that getting another girl / attracting some isn't a problem, but more over I'm probably doubting myself. Are there any recommended ways to fix this issue I have with myself? This problem doesn't seem big after I get over it, but I need to stop ignoring this and fix it now, thanks.

[StevenTijs]

The first step in overcoming this is to not be sickened by your own emotions. As we are born as human beings, it's not fair to treat ourselves like we are something else with only positive feelings (I knot it sounds easy, but it really isn't).

A couple of moths ago someone gave me a great exercise to overcome these sorts of things:

Everytime when you're jealous, write down what other emotions you feel. When you've done that, ask yourself where it comes from.

Do this for a couple of weeks and then look back if you haven't yet figured out the real reason why you're jealous. You might see patterns in your behaviour.


We both can't really make you jealous only yourself. But if that girl is really making you jealous all the time, you might wanna consider breaking up with her. And just be honest with her.
Since you're already talking about the next stage it seems you're not digging her totally right now.

But if I were you I should first try to recognize why you are feeling this way.
It might take a while, it sounds like somehting that is going on for so long that it might be a "surviving tactic" you used a while ago that's not appropriate in this stage of your life.

Tell me what you think of this..

[gothfreak]

First off, I'd like to thank you for the reply, I'm glad there's at least somebody still active on these forums. Any who... I think I've figured out why I get Jealous. I've also noticed some other patterns that are coming from her as well. I feel like when I get what I want from her, weather it's sex or making out, I feel a sort of a validation inside. And when she doesn't behave, in other words does things w/ other guys that would make me Jealous, I feel like I have diminished sense of value, and I begin to doubt myself. I think this is where it's all coming from, I don't have enough faith in myself to believe that these guys ain't shit. I've also noticed that when I begin to believe in myself and get her and those nasty though patterns out of my head, it's like wow, I don't even care what she's doing, I begin to full on know it'd be her loss if she lost me. It's an awesome feeling when you know you're the shit and you wouldn't care less if she dropped you, but this feeling only lasts for so long. I'm trying to train myself to believe that I don't need her to realize to keep my self esteem up, but... it's been a hassle.