New Guy-Need some advice!

[Scott]

Hello my name is Scott and I have recently bought the Cd collection and alpha male e-books. I am very excited to learn and improve my game. Very quickly I will discuss my situation and my game with women. I am 19 years old and I am a college student. Ill admit that my sucess with women hasnt been steller but it hasn't been horrible either. I consider myslef of having good charisma (but no Brad Pitt) and in good shape. I believe I have a good sense of humor but with most guys, I get a little gun shy in unfamiliar situtations with women. Anyway's I've been having this one problem with women for quit some time now and I dont know what I am doing wrong, maybe someone can help. There have been numerous times were I will chat with a girl (either old aquantices or new ones), and everything seems to be going great! She gives me clues that she's intersted and all the other song and dance. Anyway's I usually muster up the balls to ask her on a date. Usually I will word it like the following: Hey, what are you doing this weekend? Her: Oh blah blah, having nothing going on Saturday. I will usually respond with great, do you wanna hang out? 99% she will smile and reply with a sure. After getting the number I will call her usually the night before just to confirm and to keep in touch. For some reason It seems that I always get blown off? Ill call and she will be really nice and all but come up with an exuse. I know for a fact that Im not doing anything really weird or abnormal when I call or talk to her from the past. Other occasions I will call and they will confirm, but the day of they either don't answer their phone, or call me back? I dont get it. I feel like such a loser because I always cancel plans to hang out with friends so I can go on a date. I need some advice possibly for better phone skills, or doing a follow up from the initial meeting. In all, I feel that getting the number and setting up a date and time seem's not to be a huge issue. Actually getting her to go on the date is were things go wrong. Any suggestions please.

[Dimos]

Hey Scott, welcome.

Anyway's I usually muster up the balls to ask her on a date.

I think that the problem is in your attitude, nothing more. It is not that much a matter of technique.

As i figured it out you are starting out ok, but when the decision time comes (like asking her on a date) you get some anxiety. This is the first one. You can overcome it only by fixing your attitude. Girls smell this lack of confidence. What she gets at this point is this "I like this guy, but why is he afraid of me?". You lack of confidence will have an impact upon her. She liked you at the beggining, but you are making her uncofortable, and she does not want to feel that way for a weekend!

I feel like such a loser because I always cancel plans to hang out with friends so I can go on a date.

This is a bit extreme... personally, i can't devote a weekend to a girl i just met. I must get to know her better first. What i do is either i ask them out for a coffee or something similar, or i just call them sometime out of the blue and say something like "hey, i am at <x place> with some friends of mine, why don't you drop by". This one is very good because she gets to see how much of a social person i am.

Check this thread out for some ideas on first dates:

http://www.alphaseduction.com/Forum/viewtopic.php?t=309

And definetely do not cancel any plans you may have! You must get her drawn to your lifestyle. By cancelling (i hope you don't say that to her!) you are making her the most important person without even actually knowing her.

[Scott]

Thanks for the input! I can see what your saying in the whole attitude department. What I meant about cancelling plans is that I usually will ask her out on, say a friday, so I will usually tell people that I am busy because I made plans with some one else. When the day comes around and she dosn't answer her phone calls or call back it just fustrates me. I think what I got out of your reply was not to put so much damn concern about "the date", and make her adjust to my scheduale, not mine to hers? Please correct me if im wrong, always willing for input. I like the whole coffee idea, and random calling part to catch her off guard. I think my problem is that I put myself on a pedestal thinking I need to go on this date with this hot chick to look "cool." Even though I dont come right out and say it, I think deep down thats what I am fealing, (you know how buddies are always trying to out-do one another). I believe if I relax and just kind of go with the flow and not care so much, I will get better responses. In all, I can be very stubbern and if a girl dosn't call back, then I usually get mad and wont call her again, haha, I have to fix that. Thanks again, any more suggestion are again greatley appreciated,
Scott

[Paul]

What's up, Scott. I am also a college student, 21 yrs. old, and I know the exact problem you are having. The heat gets turned up right away because of the attitude and energy you project.

They love it, but Dimos is right. Women will look for any reason not to go out with someone they don't know and it usually revolves around you becoming more doubtful in your own actions.


Women are very keen with this. The solution? Get her to follow you right then and there. She needs to see more FACETS of you...like, you being around your friends.

You see her at a bar or some place: Oh, well, I gotta go meet up with some friends of mine. Why don't you come with me?

She seems a bit unsure...

YOU: Oh, come on, come on, it'll be fun. I don't bite. (cocky smile)

Note: It's in the way you do it, not in what you say. You MUST be confident enough for the both of you so she senses you are a leader.

[Scott]

GREAT ADVICE! Thanks, sounds great and ill definatley try that technique. I am a strong believer in that women sense nervousness or being unsure about oneself, even if its just a little bit. I guess recently it felt like getting the girl to actually go out on the date was winning a freaking gold medal in the olympics. Thanks for the advice!

[cjchandler]

Hey Scott:

Wow. I am impressed- at 19 years of age, you already possess the presence of mind and courage to acknowledge the fact that you need a little guidance in acquiring the fine attributes of an Alpha Man.

Many men make the initial commitment, yeah; they buy a few books, cds, etc. and then sit back in frustration sucking down beers while they commiserate with their friends about how tough it is to meet women. Let the truth be known- it’s not very hard to meet women, close for a number and actually get her to go on a date with you.

The guys that I coach know that I can elaborate on inner game all day long. I won’t lie to you all; you can successfully meet women, close for numbers and have rewarding intimate relations.

I am not here to pass judgment, I hear and emphasize with your desire to meet and attract women with ease.

So here’s the skinny- you can learn all you need about inner game, how to be a real and authentic man while you actively pursue your goals. Fantastic huh. You can reap the rewards while you are learning.

Life is not a problem to solve but a reality to be experienced.

Okay so now I will get to your dilemma:


“I will call her usually the night before just to confirm and to keep in touch. For some reason it seems that I always get blown off? Ill call and she will be really nice and all but come up with an excuse. I know for a fact that Im not doing anything really weird or abnormal when I call or talk to her from the past.�

Many guys walk away elated to have a number only to be devastated the next day.

Women give out their phone numbers like tollbooth attendants- fast and furious just so they can keep traffic moving.

Unfortunately, women blindly give out their 7 digits because they do not have the wisdom to say they are simply not interested. Sure, women like to think they are being kind, but really now, who is it on the other end of the line routinely dismissing men when they make that scary call?

How many times does a woman have to turn down potential suitors before she stops giving out her number?

From now on, do not take a woman’s number unless you are certain she has your full attention and will not only remember you when you call, but be happy to hear from you. It takes two to tango; if you are more selective, women will not have the opportunity to turn you down. In fact, you should never be turned down.

If you call and she claims not to remember you, bust her on it. Make her squirm a bit- get her to laugh and as Carlos would say, “remind her of the fun you had when you met.� If you cannot get her to laugh or consent to a next meeting, then ask her why she gave you her phone number.

Remember, never lose your cool or charm- women are not intentionally rude or dismissive.

Women want men who are natural leaders- take her by the hand and lead the way.

It’s a good life,

Cj Chandler

[Scott]

Thanks you guys so far have been a great help! A follow up to my post: If I call and make plans with a girl and she either dosn't return my phone calls or blows me off for a horseshit exuse what should I do? Do I remove the number from the phone book and say screw her? Or should I be more patient and try again? I can be hot headed sometimes and usually will have the whole "who does she think she is" kind of attitute and usually wont call her back again. Maybe its the right thing to do, maybe not.