When you call a woman a lesbian...

[cjchandler]

Hey Frank,

Thanks for your patience, as promised I will address your following statement:


“I went to a small club and there was a group of girls dancing on a small space. Two of them were trying to spin each other to do like partner dancing and were clueless. I walked up and said, "You are doing it all wrong." I don't recall the exact tid bit of conversation (it was very short), but I mentioned that I did swing and salsa. I added
"you need a guy who knows how to" and grabbed her hand gently. She said no. So I replied "You're a lesbian ?" After saying no the whole group of 5 went away. (My question is not here yet, it's coming right up). A bit later one of the group saw me having a drink and asked "So why is it you called my friend a lesbian?" So I did my marketing self-promotion pitch, she got all excited and ran away. Huh? Why dosn't she do something about her interest? Or her friend's interest? Earlier that evening all 5 ran away. So yes, I let that all fizzle.�


First off, as you said the bit of conversation you had was very short. Therefore, you did not have any time to establish rapport with the group/girl. When you took her hand, she was not yet comfortable in your presence. Instead of walking up and telling her, “you are doing it wrong,� you could have said something like: “Hey some nice moves I am taking swing and salsa lessons; I would love to get your opinion on how well I am doing… once you have gained her approval you can gently take her hand.

My guess is when she rejected your overture; you buffered your disappointment by asking her if she was a lesbian. In this situation, I would have looked you squarely in the eye, paused, and then politely but purposefully wandered off. Had you calmly and patiently stayed in the set, made the women laugh and put them at ease, the result may have been different.

By the way, if you call a woman a lesbian you better be ready to back that up with some light and fun banter. If a guy called me a lesbian and I was having fun and playing with him, I would have responded with something like,�Yeah, and you better watch your step because my girlfriend Tomy might ride in any second on her Harley, and well, the last time a guy tried to dance with me…� “Oh look, there she is now, she’s the one with the Mohawk wearing leather chaps, and steel tipped boots.� (Just so you know, I am a San Francisco gal; I have uttered something along these lines a few times in the past.)

The good news is you have learned something from the experience (patience is key) and you are taking steps to improve your life.

So here are some tips:

1. You must create a level of comfort and rapport.

2. Try to ascertain what frame they are in and calibrate to that mood- watch their body language, mirroring etc.

3. Make your moment memorable. Demonstrate to her that you are fun to be with, and then do a little take away. Remember, we all want what we cannot have.


4. Take her to a different environment- or start in a location that is suitable for communication. How can anyone have a meaningful conversation on a loud dance floor?


5. Breath, relax- pretend you are just talking to one of your female friends. Your conversations should be light and casual.

6. Take one step at a time. If you are new to learning the principals of attraction, perhaps your goal should just be getting women to laugh and enjoy your company.


7. That’s it; forget about getting a phone number or next meeting. Patience is crucial, delaying gratification now will earn you big results when you have mastered and personalized the skills needed to attract women.


8. Be compelling; offer her some challenges, intrigue, and fun.

Analyzing a woman’s’ moods and opinions are like guessing the weather. Women are constantly changing, often right before your eyes. If you are on your game, you can actually disarm a woman and literally change her frown to a smile.

Women pleasure in men that can stand tall, be present, are unapologetically masculine, and unreactive in their company. Once she gets through the different emotional layers, and feels trustbility in a guy she will relax and enjoy you fully.

Cheers,

Cj Chandler

[Tman]

CJ,
Your input is appreciated.
>you buffered your disappointment by asking her if she was a lesbian.

The tone of the "lesbian??" was with the goal to have a bit of fun with it. (Ok, maybe that was putting the dots too closely. This is, after all, the internet)

Did you watch the movie Zoolander where Ben Stiller is practicing a face? The goal was to have a strong non-verbal message that says "But, I am THE prize." . So I "gotta" practice that . I wanted to have her second guessing herself because I had what she was looking for although she was getting it from someone of the same gender.

> Instead of walking up and telling her, “you are doing it wrong,� you could have
> said something like: “Hey some nice moves [.] I am taking swing and salsa lessons; I would love to get your opinion on how well I am doing…"

I'll put to use several variations of that until I get it right.

I think what you are saying to not think of a phone number is because you are cautioning me not to go on the slippery slope of pressure or "oneitis" as Carlos would say. I tend to think big. All of us meet people in different levels of familiarity context. Approach people I am less familiar with is the novelty for me. At first it may sound strange - I am doing this more for the ones I really want and get them to thirst for me. The "aim for your goals and retool your means" as well as "become the kind of person you want to attract" are the ways to go. Most people don't do that or only pretend to.

Best regards,
Frank