How can I rekindle a relationship?

[beerock]

Ill make this really short. I met a girl 4 months ago we dated for a month and a half. We both felt real comfortable with each other, saw each other 2 times a week.we had regular sex everytime we met after the 3rd date. I went away for a month in dec came back and met up with her picked up were we left off had sex like usual. then the entire week something felt wrong. we met the next weekend and she told me how she needed time alone because she was still thinking about her ex(8 year relationship). So i backed off and kept in loose contact with her,saw her once on business 2 weeks after the split(did not try anything), emails, texts, calls every 2 weeks or so.

this girl is a realtor, Two weeks ago we started to look at houses. I set the appointment up through email with her and also asked her if she would like to get dinner afterwards and she never responded. So the day of the showings i called and mentioned she didnt respond to the apart about dinner. She told me she hasnt been to the gym in a while and needed to go. I was like ok cool no prob.

So, we go to the last house and she mentions how shes kind of hungry. Then on the ride to dinner she mentions hows shes completely over her ex and is finally her self again.I said thats cool and went onto saying how i was happy for her.So we end up going to get food. conversation was great. I dropped her off and came in for a minute to grab a water from the fridge. then i left. I did not try to hook up with her at this point i was playing hard to get.

so my questions are

why would she tell me shes over her ex?

she obviously put the "I have to workout" there as a barrier that she could let down if I wasnt acting weird.

she mentioned shes dating some guy, but im not to worried about that when we looked at houses and ate it was like we picked up where we left off. except for me not trying to hook up with her. she was touching me occasionally and giving me compliments. I was just thanking her and moving on to the next subject.

I really like her and would love any advice to try and rekindle our affair.

we both admit that we moved to fast in the begnining cuz it felt good. I want to get back to that but in a slower more decisive way.

thanks in advance!!

[Adam]

In my honest opinion beerock, the first 5 sentences of your post show me what destroyed your relationship initially. Things got TOO comfortable. You only mention playing hard to get after you and her were away at first. When, you should have been playing hard to get most of the time.

Even after your temporary time apart, she immediately came up with an excuse not to go out to dinner with you(after she ignored it first). Well, after she told you about her ex AGAIN (yuck!), you took her out to dinner, and then you go into her house and get water. I really dont see any passion in there.

Here's my synopsis, bro. You have got to start teasing this girl, and look at dating other women. She already mentioned that she is dating other people, why aren't you? I think she has you figured out like yesterday's crossworld puzzle. You need to throw some kinks into the works. Don't be predictable!

[GCC]

I am afraid you've already messed it up. Apart from what Adams said of not enough initial spark, you just appeared too needy when you returned.

Originally Posted by beerock

So i backed off and kept in loose contact with her, saw her once on business 2 weeks after the split(did not try anything), emails, texts, calls every 2 weeks or so.

Instead of "keeping loose contact", it turned out it's just you keep calling her. Although you tried to do it as loosely as possible, you should remember that the first one who calls loses. If I were you I would do this, when I met her, I said "ok, I'll let you have some time, but I'll call you in a week." But then, you DON"T call her at all since then. Get it? Promise to call her, and do nothing then, she's going to wonder what's wrong and call you! In this case you are less needy, demonstrate that you are just as fine without her.

And if she really doesn't call back, call her directly for once or twice maximum, if she's still equally cool, move on.

this girl is a realtor, Two weeks ago we started to look at houses. I set the appointment up through email with her and also asked her if she would like to get dinner afterwards and she never responded. So the day of the showings i called and mentioned she didnt respond to the apart about dinner. She told me she hasnt been to the gym in a while and needed to go. I was like ok cool no prob.

A minor mistake, but whenever possible always use the most direct way of contact, that is, over the phone. Had you used the phone in the first place, she won't have the chance to make you look stupid by ignoring your email.

And it is also not good to mention dinner in the email or on the phone, because it kind of shows that you're still after her. Better suggest it in a "by the way" style after looking at the house. And make it like it's already part of your plan anyway, you 're just inviting her, like, "I'm going to do (something) and there is a restaurant nearby and it's quite good. I have some coupons so do you want to join me?" etc.

So, we go to the last house and she mentions how shes kind of hungry. Then on the ride to dinner she mentions hows shes completely over her ex and is finally her self again.I said thats cool and went onto saying how i was happy for her.So we end up going to get food. conversation was great. I dropped her off and came in for a minute to grab a water from the fridge. then i left. I did not try to hook up with her at this point i was playing hard to get.

Yes, walk away and don't try to hook her up. No one really knows what plan she has in mind, but if she really gives you up, take it as a lesson.

she mentioned shes dating some guy, but im not to worried about that when we looked at houses and ate it was like we picked up where we left off. except for me not trying to hook up with her. she was touching me occasionally and giving me compliments. I was just thanking her and moving on to the next subject.

I have to warn you that touching and complimenting do not necessarily mean attraction. She may just want to make you feel better and keep you in play in case if she needs a safety net to fall on. Or maybe to make you two feel less awkward together, or maybe just for the sake that you are a customer. Who knows.

Oscar Wilde said, men are disarmed by compliments, women aren't, and there's the difference between the sexes. Don't get too happy just because a girl is touching and complimenting you.