Newbie needs a little help

[StevenTijs]

Yeah I feel you on that one. By listening to advice from people, it's easy to slip your responsibility in the hands of others. Even when they are not in a position to carry your stuff.

Though it can be helpful to hear from other people, it's best to react from your own "being".

[alpha_student_]

well....I think I was only talking about accepting -opinions- about you, from other people. By accepting these opinions, you are basically accepting to be evaluated by other people. And isn't this exactly what we avoiding to do, by being an Alpha male?

I am not for disregarding ALL opinions about me.... I just try to be careful about accepting opinions about me. They could be true, or not, so I try to ask myself 'could this person be right? and if so, why?' My point is that one should know himself well enough to be able to disregard other's opinions about him. He should know his strenght and weaknesses. Obviously it will take time and 'observing ego'

Accepting advice, is another thing altogheter, I think.

In that case, I just ask myself if who's giving advice seems to know what he's talking about and if I might consider what he's saying. Then I can choose to accept the advice or ignore it.

[aka12345]

First off, let me say to all of you , thanks a million - ive really gotten some great stuff from you guys - thanks so much for your time

i apologise for being nonresponsive for so long - i had a SHITLOAD of work, no time whatsoever for myself

so here's my thoughts

1. im getting better at talking and small talk and all that - ive joined a few new activities and im talking to more girls , so thats improving

2. also, yeah i get the point of having the incorporate it into yr life, i try reading a little more every day and actually making a point of incorporating into my life consciously

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3. so after getting a lot of info in my head, i started analysing these "seeming alphas" at my school, and guess what:

turns out, they aint shit - (and i know that sounds extremely pompous )
well here it is - beyond the average conversational skills and lack of intelligence, so they dont have problems worrying about intelligent things to talk about, they dont have much. They have just been nice from the beginning and hence the girls like them. The most "alpha" of the lot literally is one of the dumbest guys i have seen - all he has going is basketball skills.

however, one thing he has definitely been very helpful in helping me model is how to be calm, talk slowly, and seeing the impact of not making too many jokes like a clown, and using the right body language and voice when teasing (im getting a lot more positive responses and contact with my teasing these days)

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im getting back into martial arts in a few months (i got my black belt in karate about 6 years ago and then quit to pursue my music dreams ) , and ive got good instructional stuff ready.


do you guys have any recommendations on how best to incorporate the whole "being calm and relaxed and all that" into yr life consciously?


again, thanks a lot guys, really appreciate it

[StevenTijs]

There are a lot of ways that you can do this. One I'm working with lately that was very useful is the following.

Just after you get up (you may have to rise earlier) or later in the day (morning is prefered) go and sit and a chair.

First, you need to think about what being calm and relaxed really means to you. Be aware that this can change over the years. With every new thing you learn, you might get a deeper understanding of what being calm and collected means to you. So don't try to stick to one specific feeling while you're dismissing every other.

Close you eyes and create the feeling of being calm and relaxed (or whatever thing you want to practice with) and then visualize yourself being in such a social situation being completely calm and relaxed.

Do this until you really get a strong feeling about this.

After you've done that, you can choose how long it takes, 5-30 minutes.

Then do the following:

Tell your body to relax. Don't force it by doing it consciusly, but pleasantly relax your body by encouraging you subconscious (you can do this with just one body part too).

When you're in that state, visualize yourself back in a social situation again, where you are completely calm and relaxed. And you might want to use some (positive!) affirmations along with it.

After that, just relax a bit in that feeling, not really thinking of anything specific.

And then come back to the real world.

What you're doing is you're training your neural networks to be calm and relaxed.

If you're aware later in the day you are not completely calm and relaxed, just adjust yourself a bit.