Newbie needs a little help

[aka12345]

Hi guys, this is my first post here - im a complete newbie to this area,
so please help me out.

I need a little life advice ( which may sound weird, but im 17 years old)

I just switched schools, and in my previous school i was a complete nice guy/AFC, and so was everyone else - except for one guy - who was the closest thing to somewhat alpha i knew.

Then i made a sudden transition . In my new school, there are quite a lot of , well, not exactly alpha guys, but guys who know their way around the process and are good flirts. And till about half a year back (when Xuma saved me ) i had no idea about anything in pickup or social skills for that matter. Due to this lack of ability, i lost the chance to get with 2 girls -- cuz i was worse than the nice guy, i was clingy, and annoying and extremely talkative.

Well now, im a bit improved, and im trying my best to incorporate this alpha stuff into me little by little. I would appreciate it if anyone has any advice on how to make this process easier, or give me some exact guidelines/programs to follow - right now im drowning in a sea of principles.

And one last thing, since i was the annoying guy described above, i pretty much ruined my impression with most people, and a lot of the girls now are just ignoring/mean to me. (alright, some of them are just plain bitches and jealous cuz im extremely knowledgeable on a large number of topics - instead of social skills, i spent my time picking up knowledge ) Is there any way to correct this situation?

Also, (now this is not my opinion), i am extremely mature for my age. Everyone says i talk+act atleast 10 years older than i am. And I get along better with the teachers than the students in the school, and i confide in them more, and they in me.

At this point, im not really sure where im going - but please help me. And please dont hold back anything offensive.

Would really appreciate any help!!

Thanks in advnance

[StevenTijs]

Hey man welcome to the forum!

It's funny to read your story because I recognize a lot of the things you're saying in myself. I am 19 years old now and had these problems too exactly around age 17. The story is kind of different but it comes down to the same things. I'm gonna write a couple of things I found in the last 2 years and I hope they will help you much faster getting through this as I did.

First I'm gonna try to get a picture about you, correct me at the points where I'm wrong.

It seems to me you are someone that's very interested in a lot of things and you pick up that information easily. Therefore, it might be hard/boring for you to make small talk, because you're interested more in theories and stories that are going about "something".

With all this knowledge most people don't have, and maybe your ability to make a change in your beliefs much easier, you are indeed more mature in a lot of ways.

Me too, could only have a real conversation about things that were actually going about something.
Now there are two things I want to write about this:

- Most people you'll encounter have a rather small field of interest (this can change in time for someone, but most people like to stick to "safe" things).

The best way to overcome this problem is to change your own mindset. Your prior goal should be to have as much fun with people as you can have.
Start with small talk and during the small talk you can give them SHORT (really saying: NOT TOO LONG) information or stories about your knowledge. But present this in a casual way. Short and casual because that keeps it playful, when you don't, it might seem you're giving them a lecture or you are only interested in your own things.

If you are able to do this, you will have a skill that 90% (if not more) of the people don't have.

When you show interest first and present yourself as an open interested guy, they will get interested in you. Just give them small facts and stories about yourself, friends, knowledge you have etc. and they will think: there's more to this guy than just one thing.

- Try to be responsible, but don't forget that you are 17 and doing adventurous things and having great parties is still something you should enjoy (don't overdo it, but don't forget it's a very fun part of life).

Regarding to working with all these principles I found a good strategy.

Treat this stuff as a real art.
- First make notes while listening to/reading a dating program. Write down everything that you want to get better in and write down the exercises.

- Next, make a list of these things and pick one or two things to work on everyday.

So for example, yesterday I wanted to practice some body language exercises I found in an hypnosis course. Now it's not possible to be doing this the whole interaction, because I had never done it before. But a couple of times I was practicing it, I went out with some female friends of mine, and in this way you can playfully get better at it.

Today I will go to some different social setting so my main exercises will be different today, but I still will integrate the exercises of the previous days in my conversations.

Try to focus on a couple of things at once though, not too many. Integrate beliefs and skills and then go on to something new. Every skill has it's own time for you to be mastered so try to look with an objective eye to your improvement.


For the girls at your school you messed up with, just show them you're a cool, different guy now. You cannot force them into liking you so try to connect with as much people as you can (don't forget to connect with guys too, through guys you will have more social improvement and introductions to girls).

Try to go along with the things they do, but stay true to your own principles too! You don't have to be friends with someone immediately, just say something sometimes, or share some sports interests they're talking about and be yourself, with your own opinions. After a couple of interactions you will or won't go on conversating more with them.

What you should be aware of too, is which girls do you want to mate with, and which do you just want to be friends with? You should always be flirting a bit with female friends, but don't mess up your chance of having a wing girl either ;-).

And the last thing I want to say is: take dancing lessons. Especially the ones where you learn to dance with a female partner. It's a big opportunity to meet new women and it will be more natural for you to lead women.

I'm interested in your thoughts about this!

cheers

[aka12345]

Firstly, thanks a lot for taking the time to ready and reply

1. im happy to see you understand my problem really well. i got the stuff about small talk, but could you please suggest a general list of stuff i can talk about?

2. yeah, i did try incorporating skills little by little - and that seems to be working very well. But i have noticed something very VERY interesting about me - and im not just being boastful. Whenever i read something about alpha man qualities or skills or mindsets or whatever, I find that i already have most of them - im just doing a few things wrong that seem to screw all the rest of the stuff up

3. the dance idea's good - ill definitely give that a try, thanks. Just one question, would you recommend actually going to a class or can i learn it by myself from watching instructional videos?

************************************************** **************

I have another extremely urgent question, which i really need advice on.

Does it show you are alpha, and confident, and not bothered
if, when someone insults you - you go 'oooooooohhh' (with the fake exagerrated suprise and all) and 'good/nice one' to them , and you say stuff like ' you're getting there - but you need good quality insults '

And what does this have to do with meta-frames and setting up expectations and all that stuff?

************************************************** **************
One last random thought thats been on my mind for some time:

When people, especially Xuma talks about not hooking up with a friends gf just after they broke up and things like that, there is one critical thing i dont understand - whats the problem? If they broke up, and now you find you like her and she likes you, what is the problem with getting together (not immediately, say after a few weeks)? - Doesnt being alpha mean you dont give a damn what ppl think and you do what you want if yr intentions are good?

==============

sorry if i was a bit incoherent


Again, thanks to Steven, and thanks in advance to anyone who takes the time to respond to this

[Seer]

To answer your first question. Any sarcasm, especially done with a wry smirk, is a good way to brush off an insult. You can also give a slight dismissive wave of your hand and turn away from the jackass, as if his existence isn't worth any more of your attention.

Banging a bud's ex-GF is dangerous, but only if he's a real friend. I could give you a long explanation but, honestly, if you have to ask why, you probably need to find out for yourself, the hard way.

There's a big difference between not giving a shit about what people think -- especially strangers --- and being callous with your friends and loved ones. It's called heart.

You as the alpha man no longer try to measure up to people's standards and approval. Instead, you measure their value to you. So what's worth more, a buddy who will cover your ass in the heat of battle, or a chick who might feel good in the moment but could flake on you later or break your heart or simply phase out of your life, as women often do?

[StevenTijs]

About the small talk: I'd suggest you pick a couple of things you've experienced in the last two weeks (every two weeks) and then use that as material to make small talk. Like: aah yesterday I was "blablabla" and I went by this new ice cream shop. It tasted so good! What's your favorite taste?

Use those things to start with and keep practice to recognize any experience as an upportunity to make a story about.
And when she is ustarting the small talk, go talk along about the stuff you know about the subject and from there you can say: that makes me think of ... and you start off with a different topic etc.

I recommend taking a dancing class, if I was in a position to command you to take real lessons I would have done so ;-)
Here's why:
- you will meet more women (either a potential lover or a wing girl/friend)
- you'll learn it much and much better than when you learn it virtually.

I can understand why you'd rather do it virtually, I tried it myself too.
But if you try to look ahead in the future, would you see yourself rather in a dancing club where you have more options to get into parties and meet women. Or do you want to know a couple of moves, while you haven't been in a dancing environment very often yet.

Try salsa, it's a very good way to learn how to lead a woman, yet keep moving in her rythm


About the insults: don't react to it, or say something funny that's not insulting. Either way: act like you never cared less about something.


Regarding to your friend's ex girlfriend: i wouldn't do it. It always messes up a friendship. But then again it depends on the situation. Is it a good friend of yours? How did they break up? Is she really worth it? Remember there will always be discomforts between the two of them.

Too lazy to read it all back, tell me if the words don't make any sense

cheers

[aka12345]

thanks again guys, the replies were very helpful.

about the small talk and convo stuff, i noticed something. Whenever i come up with conversational topics, for me they always seem too trivial or insignificant.
This is where i have two questions:

1. is that what "small" talk is? trivial and insignificant stuff that is just supposed to help bonding?

2. do the majority of the population actually engage in this stuff, or do they prefer more advanced/detailed/meaningful conversation? (this is for first or second meetings, just getting to know the person better)

Again, thanks a lot for taking the time to read

[alpha_student_]

Originally Posted by aka12345

Hi guys, this is my first post here - im a complete newbie to this area,
so please help me out.

I need a little life advice ( which may sound weird, but im 17 years old)

I just switched schools, and in my previous school i was a complete nice guy/AFC, and so was everyone else - except for one guy - who was the closest thing to somewhat alpha i knew.

Then i made a sudden transition . In my new school, there are quite a lot of , well, not exactly alpha guys, but guys who know their way around the process and are good flirts. And till about half a year back (when Xuma saved me ) i had no idea about anything in pickup or social skills for that matter. Due to this lack of ability, i lost the chance to get with 2 girls -- cuz i was worse than the nice guy, i was clingy, and annoying and extremely talkative.

Well now, im a bit improved, and im trying my best to incorporate this alpha stuff into me little by little. I would appreciate it if anyone has any advice on how to make this process easier, or give me some exact guidelines/programs to follow - right now im drowning in a sea of principles.

And one last thing, since i was the annoying guy described above, i pretty much ruined my impression with most people, and a lot of the girls now are just ignoring/mean to me. (alright, some of them are just plain bitches and jealous cuz im extremely knowledgeable on a large number of topics - instead of social skills, i spent my time picking up knowledge ) Is there any way to correct this situation?

Also, (now this is not my opinion), i am extremely mature for my age. Everyone says i talk+act atleast 10 years older than i am. And I get along better with the teachers than the students in the school, and i confide in them more, and they in me.

At this point, im not really sure where im going - but please help me. And please dont hold back anything offensive.

Would really appreciate any help!!

Thanks in advnance

You have an HUGE advantage on most of us guys....I am 36 and I am only NOW becoming an alpha.
In reality, I am just starting using what I have already but hardly used. All my previous life experience helps too, so I am really progressing fast with Xuma's material as now I can really put togheter all I have learned.
BUT , you still have an HUGE advantage. You are only 17 and are already AWARE of this great education in masculinity.
So, take heart and do not despair: you are on the right track and it will be only a matter of time before you'll surprise yourself. You won't learn this stuff in one day, but if you constantly study and review this great material, you'll get there.

First, I would suggest to you that you do not place importance on whether people ignore you or not, or what they think of you. But I do recommend that you try to understand why they seem to ignore you.

Maybe you are too self-absorbed. In that case, try to focus your conversation on the other person. Ask things about him or her in a relaxed way. I find this works well.
This also will put you in a slight 'shade' and will make you more misterious, because you seem to talk more about the other person than yourself.

You would need a fair amount of insight to know exactly why people seem to ignore you, as this is self-psychology.

I believe that these things happens to all of us....there's always some people that we seem not to connect at all with. Don't worry and don't beat yourself up, just note it once.

I too was rather talkative and now I am a lot more stoical and unaffected. Just keep filling your mind with the Alpha material. I would also recommend that you keep a journal, and that you take even 10 minutes a week to review it. Don't just 'study alpha' once in a while.....try to do it at least a few minutes every day. Really try to fit it in your life.

If you make a promise, make sure you'll keep it, even if you'll hate yourself later. Before soon, you'll see that because you are paying an high price each time (by keeping your promise) , you'll stop trying to make promises, unless you think about it first. Too often, we make promises because we seek the approval of the other person, not because we want to help.

Just keep hearing and reading Xuma's material, you'll get there. Man, you have a HUGE advantage.....I would give one third of my life just to get back at 17 years of age and start off like you are starting.

Another good suggestion I can give you is : don't read fiction books, only read practical books. Things that you can do in practice.
I also recommend anything by Brian Tracy and Dale Carnegie.
Learning self-defence and some form of martial arts, will also greatly help your overall 'manship'.

Yes, the 'almost alpha' guys in your school that you refer to, they are the 'tribal leaders'. Don't confront them blindly or be angry at them, but don't be afraid of them either. When you see them, say 'hey man, how it's going' while you pass them by, and relax. Don't try to avoid them and don't say 'hi' in fear because that will achieve the opposite result.... The martial arts will greatly help with this kind of thing....you'll start being very confident aroung 'tribal leaders' ( the ones who always get all the pussy, right? )

True, all this is a lot. Just take it a bit at a time. As B. Tracy says : 'be your own cheerleader'

[alpha_student_]

by the way, 'being mature' may mean a lot of things to different people. Don't trust too much this sort of comment......these people might simply mean that you seem an intelligent guy (and I don't doubt this), or well-spoken, or well-behaved, etc etc.....

But maturity to me is very different and only comes with experience.

Don't let people's define you about what you are and what you are not. Just keep absorbing knowledge and look only at the facts, the results. Everything else is just people's personal opinions. You don't really want them, unless you have tangible proof that these people are themselves very mature.

[StevenTijs]

Originally Posted by alpha_student_

by the way, 'being mature' may mean a lot of things to different people. Don't trust too much this sort of comment......these people might simply mean that you seem an intelligent guy (and I don't doubt this), or well-spoken, or well-behaved, etc etc.....

But maturity to me is very different and only comes with experience.

Don't let people's define you about what you are and what you are not. Just keep absorbing knowledge and look only at the facts, the results. Everything else is just people's personal opinions. You don't really want them, unless you have tangible proof that these people are themselves very mature.

I agree that maturity comes with experience. But I don't think experience alone. I met people who experience a lot of things. Still, it seems like it really takes a long time for them to gain any maturity from it.

I think it's a mix between experience, looking at yourself critically (while not taking yourself too serious) and taking knowledge from others and just try out if it works. Though you should be critical in a sense to others' opinions

For me responsibility is one of the biggets indicators what'll make someone more mature. Responsibilty for your own growth, health etc.

A lot of people start with developing theirselves while they are still putting their fate in the hands of other people.

[alpha_student_]

Originally Posted by StevenTijs

I agree that maturity comes with experience. But I don't think experience alone. I met people who experience a lot of things. Still, it seems like it really takes a long time for them to gain any maturity from it.

I think it's a mix between experience, looking at yourself critically (while not taking yourself too serious) and taking knowledge from others and just try out if it works. Though you should be critical in a sense to others' opinions

For me responsibility is one of the biggets indicators what'll make someone more mature. Responsibilty for your own growth, health etc.

A lot of people start with developing theirselves while they are still putting their fate in the hands of other people.

that's really exactly I meant....I didn't mention it, but by 'experience' I didn't mean just one single specific thing.....I meant to include everything: actions,mistakes, theory gained
from good sources (good books etc) , and conclusions drawed by self-monitoring yourself in everything you do, and trying to understand and analizying your own reactions to a certain situation.

I totally agree with what you have said about people starting to develop themselves while they still put their fate in the hands of other people.

That's why I suggested the OP not to pay too much attention about opinions about him....even if they are good. By doing that, in a sense you are putting your worth in the hands of other people.....you are letting people define what you are.
Nothing should be done to the extreme, so I am not advocating total disregard to these opinions, just saying : be careful to who utters these opinions about you.

And yes, not taking yourself too seriously is good too, if that helps you, provided that one is not always doing that out of contest and that he's aware of why he's not taking himself too seriously.... I try to do that when I hang with other people, but otherwise I am rather serious and thoughtful. I am a more introvert person, I guess.